Here is with the utmost honesty how we apply our CMC. This is not a recipe, but an example. It's up to you to define your own version! The idea is to adapt the CMC to the context of your relationship. We have no strict rules other than to have fun and not to take ourselves too seriously. We therefore have flexible and scalable tags, which guide us in the application of our CMC. Here are our tags:
Beneficial to the relationship
In a simple, flexible and reasonable way
No pressure for the KH
Female pleasure in priority
The consent
Beneficial to the relationship
We do our reasoned CMC especially when we are together during long weekends and during holidays. We avoid the CMC when we are caught up in the work-sleep cycle. The cage being especially painful when sitting at work, it does however rather well during the holidays or to do work at home, even for one, two, three weeks.
It is also the time when the rapprochements in our couple are more frequent and pleasant. I can play golf and go to the Spa during a romantic weekend with my spouse while being caged. The control of my sexuality during these periods by my partner is therefore very suited to the idea of preserving and synchronizing my pleasure with hers.
You understand that our CMC is not permanent 24/7/365. I very rarely wear the cage to the office, and I never wear it to train or race. This is therefore our first beacon, the reasoned CMC is exercised when we spend time as a couple, while traveling or at home.
Simple, flexible and reasonable
Generally, when we do CMC, my caging period ranges from a few hours to a week. More often it is between 2 and 60 hours, either for a pleasure, a night, a day, a weekend. The maximum caging period is fixed in advance and generally respected.
We first do it for specific, very short periods, only a few hours. Appropriate for weeknights, my spouse becomes a KH for the time of a pleasure that she wishes to grant herself. She makes sure to prevent penetration. I will offer to sleep most often with the cage and be released in the early morning to go to work without a cage. We thus completely dissociate his pleasure from mine, which pleases him. It sometimes stretches the confinement period for an extra day if I stay home alone working from home. This extension is called the period of small challenges. This additional period allows you to stretch out for a while while maintaining the pleasure of wearing the cage a little longer. I particularly appreciate when she decides on the challenge and determines its duration.
For a weekend for example, the caging period can start on Friday evening and end on Sunday evening, i.e. 48 hours. For a long weekend, it is from Thursday evening to Monday evening, or 96 hours. These are short periods of chastity. The challenge is then a little bigger, but still reasonable. This is often enough to play the CMC and have fun with the Tease & Denial. You will also have to secretly manage outings, meals with friends, couple massage at the Spa, weekend tasks while wearing the chastity cage. The return to work is done after a good night's sleep without the cage. At this point, the benefit and disadvantage ratio does not justify one more night with the cage.
For the most long-term caging periods, we generally plan these periods of one or two weeks in accordance with our holidays. So it's something we only do a few times a year: summer break, holiday break, break. For example for a full week would be from Friday evening to the following Sunday evening, this makes a total of 9 days. For two weeks, that's 16 days. I am normally entitled to a few hours of rest without a chastity cage during this period. These day breaks are applied in conjunction with training, for example, but it is often for one night. The cage is then removed at bedtime and put back in place when you get up. This allows me a restful night's sleep and improves my overall mood. So I'm in custody, the KH is watching me. It is better to avoid getting up and waiting for my spouse to get up to pee at the same time as her. It amuses him!
One, two or even three weeks of reasoned CMC, on vacation, traveling, doing work at home, visiting friends is possible. We take it each time as a great challenge, and which allows us to exploit the advantages of the DPO with a more restrictive management of orgasms, which the shorter periods do not allow.
With flexibility, it is possible for me to wear the chastity cage in weeks, on the condition that I remove it to go to work and put it back on when I return home. We also remove the cage at night if I have to be fit for work the next day, for example an important meeting with a new client. These are our more flexible periods, times when we are caught up in the work-sleep cycle, but we miss our reasoned CMC and all its advantages. As the name suggests, the CMC during these periods applied with a lot of permissions so as not to affect my performance at work. I promise not to cheat and to let my partner manage my orgasms. She can observe that I respect my commitment well by a few signs that do not deceive: cuddly and very full.
Thus, all of this is done with the greatest simplicity in the world. We stay in the real world and we adjust to our reality. We don't worry too much about removing the cage to, for example, allow me to run a 42 km. Seriously, I am able to respect the agreement and keep the pleasure of the CMC. She is capable of this flexibility while putting some rules and control measures for the quick return to chastity as expected of a good KH. And there is always a pleasure in putting the chastity cage back in place after a moment of freedom.
This is our second tag: simple, flexible and reasonable.
Without obligation or pressure for the KH
Before the reasoned CMC, the holidays were a time when we made love, by the classic method: penetration was at the heart of our rapprochements. And I was the man who demanded it, and my wife accepted it, because it was considered standard for a couple to have sex and penetrate often.
Now, the chastity cage is a reminder for my spouse that she has every right to manage her pleasure with the guarantee that there will be no penetration in exchange that she does not really appreciate. It's his insurance policy.
And since the periods of confinement are generally short, there is no obligation to grant release to allow relief during the period of chastity. In this regard, I have very little expectation. And I adapt well to it for all the advantages that the reasoned CMC grants me. It is therefore not impossible to spend a full week, like for our holidays, without an orgasm for me, and without finding this terribly frustrating.
Also, we do not really apply the notion of ruined orgasm. My partner knows that I would like her to ruin my orgasms on occasion. But I understand that for her there is no satisfaction in doing so. She does sometimes. Even more and more, but always with a lot of respect.
So I avoid any pressure and I refrain from putting it on. Thus, she can better assume her role as KH and guarantee her pleasure.
In the reasoned CMC, the Tease & Denial is done in the manner of my spouse. Teasing & Denial after a hard day at work is not a very easy thing to do.
During the holidays, over long periods of confinement, the Tease & Denial is therefore more present and more intuitive for my spouse. I accept simplicity, because that's what she likes.
She's not much of the type to put on sexy underwear to please me. She does it for herself first. It is therefore not in our couple that we will see me drooling in front of her in a lace kit and garters. We're not twenty anymore!
But when she puts on a nice dress I tell her she's beautiful, she puts on nylon stockings I tell her she's beautiful, she puts on makeup for a special outing I tell her she's beautiful, she asks me for cunnilingus I tell her she's beautiful… She tries on a new jersey and she asks me if I find her beautiful. I say yes you are the most beautiful, and the chastity cage holds back all my desire for her.
For the denial, it will very often be to let me think of obtaining a reward, an exit from the cage, an orgasm, an expectation, and then changing my mind. It is also to extend the confinement period unexpectedly.
Without pressure, my spouse is able to reserve beautiful surprises for me. And surprise, it boosts his libido!
Female pleasure in priority
Another very important tag, nothing makes me happier than offering my spouse pleasure without asking for anything in return. I accept or I propose to pass my turn on my own pleasure, locked in my chastity cage.
As she tends to forget, not being always a model KH, I give her at the beginning of the cage a privilege card which gives her access to a series of pleasures just for her. She only has to choose: massage, movie of girls in love, glued glued evening, shopping in her favorite stores, etc.
Something she now asks often is to give massages while I am caged. I have become an expert in tantric massage, a very sensual form of massage. The massage may or may not include, and at the very end only, the massage of the intimate areas, but excludes any sexual intercourse. The control of the cage reassures her about my intentions and allows her to let go completely towards relaxation.
Caged, all the pleasure is for her.
The consent
Gradually, my spouse learns to become a good KH, enjoys the benefits of the CMC, gains confidence and shows more and more firmness towards me. She understands that if I ask to be released, even on my knees in front of her, that in her role as KH she must refuse. That's the game. Then comes the notion of consent.
Consent is essential before embarking on CMC, regardless of the level practiced. Consent is not limited only to saying yes and to undergoing without clear limits between the encagé and the KH.
I did a lot of research to fully understand the definition of consent. Not easy when the subject is broached in the context of abuse! I found, to my great surprise, a simple definition adapted to the CMC in the world of BDSM.
The first part of consent is to establish the rules of the game down to the smallest detail and to have the same understanding between the caged and the KH. You have to talk about it, otherwise you will experience the CMC in two different worlds. The best thing is to make a list as complete as possible and to answer as a couple with “yes, no or would like to try” before answering. We keep the list up to date, we open the dialogue and we accept the compromises.
The second part of consent is to give yourself the necessary tool to end the game at any time. In BDSM, it is the safeword that many have heard of[1]. As soon as the caged mentions the safeword, the KH stops everything and releases the caged. Obviously we choose words other than “no, release me, please or hurt me”, because we want to be able to have fun with these words.
We decided to use a three-color code: green, yellow and red. You understand that our safeword is red. At the yellow code, it indicates that everything is fine, but that it will be necessary to validate again or to carry out some treatment. This color code is practical in reasoned CMC when it comes to describing the level of pain in the cage after several days.
[1] Excellent reference in French on consent: BDSM, les règles du jeu.